1954 Practical Bar Management by Eddie Clarke

FIVE

The Art of Service

There are many good reasonsfor drinking. And one hasjust entered my head, Ifa man doesn't drink when he's living. How the Hellcan he drink when he's dead?

Supposing—just to demonstrate what such a heading as "The Art of Service"is intended to cover—we close our eyes and dream up some non-existent Cocktail Bar,in which there is no evidence of such an all-important attraction. Let us push open the door of this fictitious bar, and behold—what ? We are immediately blinded by the intensity of harsh lighting, and the other side of the room where we think the bar-counter to be, is obscured by "Smog"(definition: thick tobacco haze). We cough and choke, but press gallantly onwards through a maze of tables and chairs—our hand rests a moment for support on a table, but it is instantly withdrawn as we realize what a horrible, sticky, sloppy mess is covering the table-top. Our eyes focus on this unwholesome piece of furniture and others round about— they are all the same—and we reflect that it is not caused through pressure of business, even though the moisture has been supplied by spilt drink probably due to over-filled glasses. Well-filled ashtrays help to complete the picture, with close neighbourly saucers of soggy looking potato crisps, many of which also contain the discarded cigarette ends ofsome careless,long-departed client. Glancing downtowards our feet we recoil in horror at the presenta tion of litter on the floor, it bears a close resemblance to the aftermath of a Bank Holiday fair on the local heath. Pausing once again to rub our smarting eyes, we note the few other customers about the room ; they seem to be oblivious of our presence, in fact some of them in their present occupation would be in more appropriate surroundings if they were in the locality of the aforementioned heath. We hastily resume our journey to the bar, reflecting in the process that, with such a background,the service to be expected would be about on a par with the disagree- 46